Thursday, May 22, 2008
Crazy People and Car Assaults
I'm still coming down from a serious morning adrenaline rush. As I was driving down the street (downtown, about a block from my office), I notice this guy in the middle of the street screaming and slamming his hands on the car in front of me. I was like, whoah there Mr. Needs Anger Management, and then he literally jumps IN FRONT OF MY CAR and slams his palms on my hood. He's a youngish guy with jeans, long brown curly hair and some sort of campaign sticker on his jacket. Upon closer inspection (as he approached my car door) he looked pretty freaking crazy and I'm guessing he was either cracked out or schizophrenic. I reach for my door lock (not sure if I'm locking or unlocking my doors) and then decide to floor the gas pedal, not really caring if I run over this guy's foot. He takes both of his hands and slams them on my driver's side window (to the point that I thought he might break it). At the end of the block I see two police officers and tell them about the crazy man. When I pull into the office parking lot I'm still not sure where the aforementioned crazy man is, so I call the office and ask Gina to have Jack come out and escort me and the kids into the office. I noticed a few police officers on bikes roaming the area, so I hope they got the guy. Once I turned off the ignition Georgia said, "Mommy, I don't think Jesus likes people banging on car windows." No sweetie, he probably doesn't.
In retrospect, I'm really glad that he didn't get my car door open. I don't care how cracked out he was, it really couldn't be anything compared with an adrenaline-rushed Mama Bear in high heels. MY BABIES WERE IN THAT CAR and he would literally have had to kill me (very likely losing his testicles in the process) to get anywhere near them. Holy hell.
And, if that wasn't enough, some crazy DRUNK man totalled my brother-in-law Stephen's car on Tuesday night. Everyone was getting ready for bed and they heard a CRASH. Glo ran to the window to see a guy backing away from Stephen's totalled car and then crashing into Erin's car in an attempt to flee the scene!!! Luckily a fire policeman across the street saw the whole thing and chased that SOB down with lights flashing. He blew a .18. Scary, scary stuff.
They say these things happen in threes, so if any of you come across a crazy man who is intoxicated or schizo, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. And then call me so I can update the blog with your story. ;)