Thursday, May 29, 2008

I have three sick babies

Georgia has a cold (and a come and go fever), Hughie is working on ear infection #7 (we're seeing the ENT Monday) and Chris is miserable with some sort of sickness as well. Woo-hoo!

Speaking of Hughie, he's moving up to the Tadpole class in two weeks. He'll officially be out of the baby room. Apparently he was visiting the Tadpole room yesterday and when they returned him to the Guppies (baby room) he threw a FIT. I guess he realizes that he's a big boy now. He's growing up so fast it's making my head spin.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Georgia's Boyfriend

Georgia has been making quite a fuss lately about how she doesn't want a boyfriend but if she did have one, it would be Hughie. This weekend she says to me, "I don't want a boyfriend Mommy, it just isn't necessary." Amen sister.

Memorial Day Weekend

This weekend Chris headed to LBI for a bachelor party. My only stipulation was, "NO LITIGATION." For those of you who don't get that one, Chris's bachelor party included a fight that resulted in years of litigation. No, it was not Chris, but one of his friends was jumped (in a case of mistaken identity if I understand correctly) and ultimately sued the bar (*cough* strip club* cough*) where the attack occured. I don't think the plaintiff ended up with much other than a nasty scar and attorneys fees, but I think it was certainly a lesson learned for all invloved. Chris reported that he had a blast (other than spraining his ankle again) catching up with old friends. We can't wait for the wedding!!

Meanwhile, Georgia, Hughie and I spent the weekend with Mimi and Papa. We went to Revolution games on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, cheering on our favorite players - Keoni, Kaz and Enrique. Georgia is now obsessed with the Sumo fighting and absolutely LOVES the sumo superfly. I also think she's developing a healthy crush on Keoni. Join the club, G-Ro. Here are Kaz, Keoni and Enrique:

Saturday I took the kids to my 15th class reunion. It was a picnic at a beautiful park and we really enjoyed catching up wtih old friends. There weren't may of us there, but it made for a more intimate setting and was really relaxed. Georgia didn't want to leave and Hughie, of course, was attached to his pseudo dad Kevin, the whole time. Kevin looks a lot like Chris and I don't think Hughie noticed a difference. Later that evening, Hughie was miserable, so Georgia went to the Rev game without us. I think Hughie may have another ear infection, but since it's impossible to get an appointment with our pediatric practice, I guess we'll never know. But, I digress.

On Sunday, Georgia got her first ever sunburn on her shoulders. She was driving her Diego jeep around Mimi's driveway while I was cleaning out my van (for about thirty minutes). I didn't put sunscreen on her and now she has red shoulders and my goal for "no childhood sunburns" for my kids has been dashed. I should be shot, I know.

Monday Chris returned to us with a swollen ankle and a big smile. Hughie screamed with delight and shot across the room into Chris's arms upon his arrival. I really need to get that on video, because it's the sweetest thing EVER. After breakfast we headed to a Rodeo with the kids. Holy Pennsyltucky redneck convention. I saw enough chewing tobacco and knife holsters to last me a lifetime. In theory, the rodeo should have been exciting, but there were too many competitors in team roping and we lost interest very quickly. The bull riders were last and we were hoping to see a few, but the kids were too tired. We did see one guy with big muscles, spider web nipple tattoos and no shirt and that *almost* made it worth the trip, but I think we'll wait until the kids are older to hit the rodeo again.

We hit the country club for dinner and they spiced it up this year with a petting zoo and pony rides for the kids. Georgia loved riding the ponies. Hughie was allegedly busted to pulling a bunny out of his cage by his ears, but that's what happens when Papa is in charge. All in all a great weekend.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Crazy People and Car Assaults

I'm still coming down from a serious morning adrenaline rush. As I was driving down the street (downtown, about a block from my office), I notice this guy in the middle of the street screaming and slamming his hands on the car in front of me. I was like, whoah there Mr. Needs Anger Management, and then he literally jumps IN FRONT OF MY CAR and slams his palms on my hood. He's a youngish guy with jeans, long brown curly hair and some sort of campaign sticker on his jacket. Upon closer inspection (as he approached my car door) he looked pretty freaking crazy and I'm guessing he was either cracked out or schizophrenic. I reach for my door lock (not sure if I'm locking or unlocking my doors) and then decide to floor the gas pedal, not really caring if I run over this guy's foot. He takes both of his hands and slams them on my driver's side window (to the point that I thought he might break it). At the end of the block I see two police officers and tell them about the crazy man. When I pull into the office parking lot I'm still not sure where the aforementioned crazy man is, so I call the office and ask Gina to have Jack come out and escort me and the kids into the office. I noticed a few police officers on bikes roaming the area, so I hope they got the guy. Once I turned off the ignition Georgia said, "Mommy, I don't think Jesus likes people banging on car windows." No sweetie, he probably doesn't.

In retrospect, I'm really glad that he didn't get my car door open. I don't care how cracked out he was, it really couldn't be anything compared with an adrenaline-rushed Mama Bear in high heels. MY BABIES WERE IN THAT CAR and he would literally have had to kill me (very likely losing his testicles in the process) to get anywhere near them. Holy hell.

And, if that wasn't enough, some crazy DRUNK man totalled my brother-in-law Stephen's car on Tuesday night. Everyone was getting ready for bed and they heard a CRASH. Glo ran to the window to see a guy backing away from Stephen's totalled car and then crashing into Erin's car in an attempt to flee the scene!!! Luckily a fire policeman across the street saw the whole thing and chased that SOB down with lights flashing. He blew a .18. Scary, scary stuff.

They say these things happen in threes, so if any of you come across a crazy man who is intoxicated or schizo, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. And then call me so I can update the blog with your story. ;)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Sumo Photos

I'm not sure who took them, but these are actual photos of Mandi and me sumo wrestling on Friday night. I am in the blue thong, Mandi in the white. If you click on the photos to see the large version you can see the giant painted nipples. I guess someone from the Revolution e-mailed them to my mom. I also see a chick there with a video, so maybe that's coming next? I hope so. My favorite is the last one where I am clearly into my superfly (check out the flexing of my feet). How SWEET are the hair helmets??

The No Macaroni Grill

Last we went out to eat at the Macaroni Grill with my parents. All was going well until the waitress came to our table to tell my mom (who had ordered spaghetti with meat sauce) that they were OUT OF SPAGHETTI. At the Macaroni Grill. No spaghetti. We all laughed a bit and my mom decided to substitute penne for spaghetti. Great, no big deal. But my Dad (Mr. Freaking TYPE A) wouldn't let it go AND he was on his fourth glass of chianti. When the poor waitress brought our check, my dad asked her to sit down at our table and proceeded to say to her, "running out of spaghetti at an italian restaurant is a lot like showering with your underwear on, what's the point? Am I right?" I wish you could have seen this girl's face. I think wearing size 2 leather pants with 5 inch stilettos would have been more comfortable.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Devil Wears a Diaper

We've been missing the living room television remote for a few days now. The last time I saw it, it was in the hands of our resident controller thief, Hughie. I spent quite a bit of time looking for it in random Hughie-level baskets, under the couch, etc, but found nothing. Apparently Chris was putting a CD in our stereo yesterday when Hughie comes along with this giant grin, sticks his hand way back into the space beside the stereo and pulls out the controller, handing it to Chris. Sneaky little brat.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Time for SUMO

Friday night we went to the York Revoltion baseball game with my family for a little gathering. It was FREEZING and raining (pretty much the most miserable daye EVER), but we were in a sky box, so we were warm and surrounded by good food and ultimately some heavenly chocolate peanut butter birthday cake, but I digress. Georgia had a blast tearing it up with her cousin Maya, and Hughie spent the evening charming the pants off everyone. I still can't quite get over how freaking cute that kid is! And to spice things up, Mandi and I did the sumo wrestling at the top of the fourth.

So let me set the stage here. Mandi and I are whisked down into the bowels of the baseball stadium where our sumo suits awaited us. There were a couple of girls who got us suited up in the suits and helmets. I could barely look at Mandi without peeing myself, so I tried to keep my back to her. They had these giant nipples painted on the suit and these foam thongs. It was honestly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

They lead us out to the field along the third base line. Just as were nearing the opposing team bull pen, an umpire comes over to our little posse and basically starts yelling at us that WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE YET. Our posse leader then turns to us and tells us that we need to move very quickly into the opposing team's dug out. So we're hustling along in these giant suits, looking much like giant flesh colored bowling balls, run waddling barefoot on the muddly field and trying not to pee out pants. Every time I looked at Amanda in that ridiculous black helmet it took everything I had not to dissolve into an uncontrollable laughing fit. We decided in advance that I would get to "win" because it was my birthday. When the time came, we waddled out onto the field and it was SUMO time. The first round I knocked Mandi over and then tried my best to sumo superfly her, and I guess I did a decent job, I have no idea. I tried really hard to ham it up, but decided against an Austin Powers' style nipple rub that I thought would have been hilarious, but it is a family show. I would give anything to see photos or a video, but we were really far from the box where our family was. Second round I went down HARD on my back. The giant ill-fitting helmet was compltely worthless as I crashed my head into the ground, seeing stars (and regretting signing that waiver). They got me back on my feet and it was round three. Mandi decides to turn and run from me, and just seeing her run in that suit was almost too much. She didn't make it far before slipping and falling on her face and I tried my best to get a running start to my superfly this time. After my victory we were ushered back into the dug out where we were extricated from the sumo suits in front of the whole Lancaster Barnstormer team. My mother had promised that our sumo match would pretty much be anonymous (the helmets pretty much cover your whole face) and there we are revealing ourselves to a bunch of young male athletes, good times.

I'm still amazed that I managed to NOT pee my pants, but I definitely recommend taking a change of underwear to any of you out there who are thinking about doing the sumo. It was quite an experience and I'm sorry that I don't have a video clip to share.

Here is a clip of someone else sumo wrestling at a basball game to help you with the visual. Enjoy.

Friday, May 16, 2008

For those of you living under a rock . . .

the California Supreme Court announced yesterday that sexual orientation, like race or gender, "does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights." In other words, gay marriage is legal in California. For those of you who may not know, I am a flaming liberal and am obviously pleased with this ruling. Ellen Degeneres announced on her show yesterday that she and long time partner Portia are getting married. She also had this to say:

"I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.

P.S. I’m registered at Crate & Barrel."

That is why I love Ellen (sorry Glo).

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My New Favorite Word

For Christmas Chris got a subscription to GQ and as much as the clothes and man-grooming features are great for Chris's metrosexuality, the articles are hilarious. Seriously, I love the GQ writers. I recently read an article about the "Girls Gone Wild" owner, Joe Francis, whose interview literally made my skin crawl. The writer described his antics as "jackassery" and I immediately thought, "THAT is my new favorite word." I fact, I plan to work it into as many conversations as I possible.

Here's a link to the Joe Francis article if you weren't already completely repulsed by the soft-core porn mogul/'Night In Paris'action hero:

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I am somewhat obsessed with playing e-mail scrabble via scrabulous. Just another way for me to procrastinate doing real work, along with blogging and my sephora addiction. If you know me, have my e-mail address and want to join in the fun, let me know. I need some new scrabulous junkies!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The definition of torture . . .

is driving around in my car for a whole day with two dozen Maple Donuts (way better than Krispy Kreme for those of you who are unfamiliar) and not eating one. Or I guess that could also be considered the definition of insanity. I'll admit that I did ultimately break down and eat two over the weekend, but that first day I was really well behaved.

Friday, May 9, 2008

The New Universal Symbol for Gas

This is pretty irreverent for my blog, but too funny to not share. That and I did take it up a notch yesterday by mentioning orgasm and booty in the same sentence. It's all downhill from here!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

My Life is Now Complete

Rumor has it that in addition to my beloved Sephora, a Trader Joe's is coming to town. So not only will I be able to hop on over to the mall and get my Nars Orgasm blush (that's a real shade, allegedly gives you that post-coital "flush"), I will be able to get Pirate's Booty WHENEVER I WANT. Now I did combine the words orgasm and pirate's booy in one sentence, but before you go all Captain Jack Sparrow fantasy on me, know that Pirate's Booty is a tasty cheese curl-ish snack that I happen to adore. Now the only store left that we need for me to never have to leave the county (for shopping purposes) is an IKEA, so I'm working on that. Sephora, Trader Joe's, Pottery Barn, Target and IKEA in one county (that is not a major metropolitan area) would certainly be a miracle, but trust me, I am a believer.

And as much as I LOVE the Pottery Barn Outlet, we had a near tragic shopping incident as a result of Pottery Barn Outlet that I just managed to rectify tonight. We've been drooling over the Pottery Barn Bedford Modular Desk collection in the catalog for quite some time now, knowing that it would work well in our new home office. A few months ago we started stalking the Outlet for some pieces of the set. We decided on the "mahogany" stain because it would blend flawlessly with our mahogany paneled office. One afternoon we giddily bought about half of the pieces that we needed (4 pieces)at 70 % off, thinking that we could stalk the outlet for the rest of the pieces and buy the rest from the catalog if need be. Well, a few weeks later I go online to check the prices of the remaining pieces and THEY HAVE DISCONTINUED THE MAHOGANY STAIN. Ouch. I was starting to panic when my hair stylist (and close friend from high school) just so happens to mention that she has three of the remaining four pieces that we need and she wants to get rid of them because they do not fit well in her new house. GLORY, GLORY, GLORY!!!! What are the chances? So now all we need is one freaking file cabinet. I call the PB Outlet every day for weeks. I stalk Ebay, Craigslist, the whole of the internet. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. So tonight I'm checking out a new website that I may start writing a blog for ( and I check out what they have for Pottery Barn. I link to the PB clearance sale and it takes me right to the Bedford Collection in the mahogany stain. How could I have possibly missed that between my exhaustive internet searches and calls to the catalog people???? Regardless, our set is now complete and I can sleep easy tonight. I can't wait to finally have a real home office! I will post pics when we get it finished. Whew!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Rogers Family Ear Infection # 22

Apparently Hughie was a bit of a beast this weekend, and Chris thought it was just some new teeth coming in. He was right that Hughie has some molars coming in, but there was also a double ear infection contributing to my poor son's misery. What is it with these kids???? This is ear infection #6 for Hughie and #22 overall, including Georgia's 16 ear infections. I got to hold Hughie down this morning while TWO nurses stuck TWO needles in his chubby little thighs. Nothing like the sound of an infant screaming in pain to start your day off right. Hope you're feeling better soon, little man.

Speaking of starting your day off right, I took Maple Donuts to the teachers at the kids' daycare for Teacher Appreciation Week this morning. I figure there is no better way to ingratiate myself with the teachers than with fried dough slathered and/or filled with various glazes and frostings.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

String Bean

Georgia had her 4 year check up today and she is officially a string bean. She is off the charts in height (I saw the doctor put the dot next to the 110 mark) and tenth percentile for weight. Her BMI is 3 percent!! The doctor really had a hard time with the numbers and even rechecked her BMI calculation. She looked at her and declared, "she looks healthy, so we're not going to worry about the numbers." I guess there are worse things in life than being too tall and skinny.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Filing for Bankruptcy

As I was powerwalking the mall today I noticed a huge sign that was plastered over a "store in progress" that read: COMING SOON, SEPHORA. It may as well have said: YOU WILL SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY HERE AND HAVE TO FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY. Any of you who know me at all know that I am a product junkie/whore. Makeup, lip gloss, body lotion, facial masks, I love it all. I can do without the expensive clothes, shoes and handbags, but bring on the enzyme peel and shimmer powder. Until now, I had to drive to King of Prussia or order online and wait for DAYS. Now that I will no longer have to travel or pay shipping costs, the prospect of instant gratification in going to the mall and pretty much being able to get any product that I desire is a little terrifying. I may have to boycot the mall altogether and in the winter that is pretty much sanity suicide. Why, Sephora, why?????????????????

Pics from Pittsburgh

My Baby is Four

Georgia's actual birthday on Saturday was relatively uneventful, but she did have her name announced at the Revolution game. What did she expect after the most fabulous Princess Dress Up Tea Party ever???? She was actually confused when everyone was wishing her a happy birthday. She kept asking me, "is it my next birthday?!?" I really can't believe that my baby is FOUR!

Free Agent

Right now I am sitting at my computer and liesurely drinking my coffee without Hughie attempting to shove plastic knives down the air vents or Georgia whining that she HAS TO WATCH MAX AND RUBY. The sun is shining and I'm trying my best to enjoy this little piece of heaven that I'm experiencing. Hugh is with Chris at Glo's and G-Ro is with Aunt Mandi. I have so many options, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. Go to the gym for two hours? Pedi? A nice, peaceful trip to the grocery store? Target? Pottery Barn Outlet? Vegas? The possibilities are endless. I'll probably end up cleaning because the cleaning lady comes tomorrow - we all know how that goes. Regardless, it will be theraputic because I will be able to do it uninterrupted and with cheesy country blaring in the background. Chris (Glo) and Mandi, thank you for this gift!!

With the boys out of town, G-Ro and I spent the past two days with Mimi and Papa. We hit two York Revolution baseball games (my first). Yesterday was "bring your dog to the park" day and they had a golden retriever named Jack who served as both bat boy and water boy. Between innings Jack would trot out to each umpire with a basket full of water bottles and wait until they had a drink and then trot off to the next umpire. It was amazing. The SPCA was there showing off some really cute adoptables and I *almost* came home with a yellow lab/basset hound mix named "Riley." He was insanely adorable!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Hundred Dollar Nation

"Mommy, I want to watch Hundred Dollar Nation."

"Hundred Dollar Nation?!? I have no clue what you're talking about Georgia."


"Georgia, seriously, I don't know what your'e talking about."

"The movie with the puppies with the SPOTS!"

"Oh, you mean One Hundred and One Dalmations."

"Yes, Mommy, Hundred Dollar Nation."

Thursday, May 1, 2008

We're planning a trip to Western India . . .

Muslims in western India have been throwing their young children off a shrine in Solapur, in western India's Maharastra, for more than five hundred years. Why, you ask? TO IMPROVE THEIR HEALTH. You don't believe me? Have a peek.

As much as I think it would be great video op for the blog, I'm sticking with plenty of fresh air, exercise and vitamins for my kids. Call me crazy.

My Cougar Idol

Someday when I'm 50 and I have a hot 20 year old boyfriend (and everyone is whispering and staring in awe), let it be known that Kim Cattral was my inspiration.

"I'm limitless as far as age is concerned…As long as he has a driver's license. I don't want to pick him up."

- Kim Cattrall to Oprah, on dating younger men (in real life)